It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Saturday, January 31, 2004
withers away @ 10:07 pm

What would you do if you had $86 400 to spend, but only on today?
What would you do if you had only 86 400 seconds to spend on earth?
86 400 seconds is a day. It doesn't really matter how you spend the day.
It is who you spend it with that matters.
Even if it's a day, it can be forever.

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 30, 2004
withers away @ 10:15 pm

days r starting to get a little uneventful... sigh... monotonous... wadeva... i'm still sick of doing hwk.. sighz... pe is horrible as usual... now everytime after pe i ache all over the place... hiya... after sch was quite a mad rush... hiya actually all bcoz of me coz i was v kan cheong abt handing up bio... den finally when everything was settled, we went discussing gp... yun qi had to leave earlier, so left me, xiu hui n sum. found out tt sum usu speaks chinese! guess i'm juz slow... so actually a lot of ppl in my class speaks chinese loh.... hiya we all deliberately speak eng coz all of us think tt the class speaks eng.. ok nvm... slow me... den later xiu hui left.. so classrm only left me, joan, weepz n sum. as usual we tok rot again... i've gotten used to toking rot n listening to ppl tok rot.. den later joan n sum left for cca... so left me n weepz... we went canteen, eat n tok somemore... den go home... wah lao diz is super like a typical day i'll like to have loh... juz stone in sch n not do hwk... now i still dun wanna do hwk, but still hafta do it... sighz

It's something Mystical

Thursday, January 29, 2004
withers away @ 10:57 pm

i dunno if it's me or what. i feel that diz person is ignoring me, or avoiding me. sighz

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 10:19 pm

actually nothing much happened today... hmmm stayed back in class to stone n do work... forced myself to do work coz there was nthg else to do... n many ppl went to hc.. joan went for tennis... but i've got quite a no of hwk today... hmmmm budden i ended up cutting seaweed for sumsumboy... den i sms lao gong n cyn... n ended up cyn can eat lunch wif me! yeahhh after so damn long... altho the lunch was really late but who cares.. n i was finally sorta introduced to daryl... juz waved to him... altho i dun tink he'll recognize me but somehow it juz feels funny when i noe quite a lot abt a person but he doesnt even noe me... hmmm well anyway... now i dun tink will have much diff oso... haha like he will recognize n wave to me loh.... haha.... anyway, somehow i start to miss some ppl now... dun bother asking me who, u noe i wun say....

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, January 28, 2004
withers away @ 10:59 pm

today we had civics which was quite fun... we were telling ms tan, our ct tutor, who the ppl in our class like.. haha... found out tt she has quite a lot of scandals, according to yun qi... but anyway she told us quite private stuff lah... coz she is going to give us diz talk about love matters.... so she decided she shld b frank... so there... she asked to see if anyone of us is attached... like who will say... ok nvm... today had lib meeting... or rather sthg like an orientation i suppose... was quite pathetic coz only 7 ppl turned up inclu me.. 5 guys, 2 gals... the seniors r not bad lah... we played quite a pathetic game... coz only 7 ppl... the rest had a second cca... so no choice lah... n v obviously all of us join lib for the cca pts... budden nvm... the seniors bought pizza for us too... nice... me n hui fang (the other gal) went frm training liao... v fast... juz get familiar wif how to use the com n stuff... oh yah me n joan r sorta sick of asking weepz everyday who's the gal he likes.. n wad he said is true loh... if he goes up to the gal n tell her, end up she doesnt like him, things will get v awkward loh... so... nvm... shall let him off for a while.. n oh yah we started the angel mortal thing wif our senior class liao... n my poor mortal wont exactly get alot of stuff frm me... i juz dunno how to get stuff for guys...

oh yah n ms tan touched on some stuff abt facade... started me thinking... actually i tink alot of ppl in my class r having diz facade thing loh... ppl who r introverts appear to b extroverts... my frenz frm ny r not exactly like tt loh... at least within my grp of frenz, i'm the one who has the most sides loh... i used to think if it was bad.... but decided tt if i can use it to my advantage, it wouldnt b bad after all... i treat ppl the way they treat me. i tok to ppl the way they tok to me. i sometimes even act like ppl the way they act loh.. sometimes i feel tt i dun seem to haf an identity. or mebbe diz identity is only known to me. i've never really shown my real self to anyone yet... actually i'm quite scared of my own real self oso so decided i shall juz keep it to myself n not scare everyone away... haha... hmmmm but bottling up feelings issnt sthg v good... but nvm... who cares... no time to care oso... dun bother to care oso... well now life seems quite good... i'm really scared tt these wonderful stuff will b taken away frm me v soon... for some reason i'm juz really scared... mebbe these ppl who came into my life are too good to b true... ok... i'm getting sad so shall not continue writing diz... hafta go n do my maths loh... i'm so slack nowadays... tsk tsk tsk

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 27, 2004
withers away @ 10:47 pm

ah well ended up i didnt get killed by my class or mr davidson for losing the bio profile... i'm so glad i haf such a good class n teacher... he didnt say anything bad loh.. he still smile at me... make me feel so bad... den keep saying thx when i handed in the new set of bio profile... ahhhhh... i feel so bad loh... budden nvm... thank goodness for having such a nice teacher! haha... n for having such a nice n understanding class too... they actually email me back n ask me not to worry... so nice... haha... ok nvm... i mean its oso the first time i receive a bdae present frm my class loh... our class is so nice.... ok enuf of diz... today i did hwk wif the class in the lib... first time in my life when i see whole class sitting in lib to do hwk... our class is full of muggers... but anyway i'm so glad our class is.... motivates me to do hwk in sch... i mean ever since i reached home today i didnt do any work so... nvm... tt's not the pt... pt is we tried to ask weepz who on earth is the gal... of coz didnt work.... he gave us so many clues which we tink r fake loh... budden how we noe which r fake n which r true? ok nvm... den later he wanted to rehearse a speech to say to the gal when he finally finds the chance (and probably the courage) to tell her... he tried it on joan first. he went "joan i got something to tell u" wah lao i juz broke out in laughter loh... he tried it on more ppl... like candace n wanxuan... n nearly qing yang n merv... didnt work.... obviously couldnt work loh... once he says "I got something to tell u" we all juz laugh like mad... den he starts laughing too... den the poor gal stands there n "huh?" haha... we spent the last half an hr or so laughing loh... merv came some time i dunno when.. he looked so pissed we didnt dare to tok to him haha... turned out he had to write additional stuff like footnotes for his damn long econs essay tt he did yest... poor thing... but anyway he let me listen to some nice songs... in fact only 2 since he needed to go for council meeting... but anyway i enjoyed the afternoon haha so damn fun...

It's something Mystical

Monday, January 26, 2004
withers away @ 11:08 pm

ok well diz is the new blog layout which is not v nice lah... budden no choice since the old template somehow suddenly went blank... argh... ok nvm... i've written alot of stuff on pen n paper while i was overseas diz few days, so will type everything here now... my thoughts dont flow really well coz i couldnt concentrate really well yea so bear wif the english...
22/1/2004 Thurs 9.47pm
well i'm now in m'sia waiting for my dinner... i wonder how long do we haf to wait... it's already damn late... by the time we finish dinner it would most prob be 11+... sighz.. well i tink it's the first time i've ever written sthg during my trip overseas willingly... when we went back to my grandmother's house juz now, for the first time, i looked up and realized a beautiful myriad of stars... they were simply spectacular coz i've nv seen so many stars in a so natural env such as my grandmother's kampong... i saw the same 3 stars tt were in line.. they made me recall all the times i saw stars.. the first was when i went wif cyn to the beach at pasir ris. den was the bbq at nj. den outside joan's hse on tues. and den, tonite. i saw an exceptionally bright star(if it's one) and wondered if it's the solaris.. hiya juz going back into my "winter sonata" mood again.. nvm... i had wanted to find out which star is the solaris, but now, i decided it was more impt to recognize the solaris in my life, the one who would b there for me, comforting me, encouraging me, crying wif me, laughing wif me. oh well i realized wad i juz said was quite... erm... nvm... forget wad i juz said... all the moments when i gazed at the stars above in wonder were filled wif meaningful thoughts and emotions. they represent my love, my frenz, my sch, my family, my hopes, my dreams. stars hold a special meaning for me, bcoz they nv fail to marvel me, and remind me of my loved ones. well now i really miss everyone back in s'pore... i remem the time when our class had reunion dinner, the fun time we spent at joan's hse. i remem the time at ny, when we fooled around and attracted unwanted attention. well how i miss those times.. ok gotta stop. dinners here.

23/1/2004 Fri 7.52pm
currently i'm sitting outside starworld casino waiting for me parents to come out. dad illegally brought in his video cam n digi cam. i taught him to hide them under his huge jacket... well the guard didnt suspect anything... my dad asked me to try getting in n of coz, the guard asked for my ic. i mean how can i pass off as a 21 yr old when i juz turned 17? ah well... so now i'm rotting here feeling stupid... saw lao gong juz now at the hotel lobby. no need to go cyber cafe n look for her liao.. haha.. she said she waited for me for v long but i reached genting only at late afternoon so of coz she cant see me... wan jun n gang (the family we went to genting n taiwan wif) wants to book a karaoke lounge... i was juz tinking if i could ask lao gong along.. i mean juz go find her n ask loh... since she rots at the cyber cafe until 10+ or 11, why not go sing wif me? it's v long ever since i last saw lao gong...actually not v long oso... the last time was at hc for appeal.. but we were so happy tt we hugged.. hiya absence makes the heart grow fonder.. imagine life w/o ur spouse... how miserable would tt b! oh well toking rot again... n i wonder if lao gong has read or is reading my blog.. i told her to read it coz i tot it was really nice... hiya i juz love my class lah.. budden the next min my blog was down coz the whole template deleted itself argh!

24/1/2004 Sat 12.09pm
now i'm sitting at the genting cyberworld beside lao gong who is playing counterstrike.. her mum suddenly pms n ask her to stay in the cyber cafe until 5 instead of bringing me ard to window shop.. the rest of them haf gone to sing karaoke and wadeva.. n now i've chosen to rot here wif my hubby argh.. but anyway it isnt her fault.. she juz didnt noe tt her mum would pms... i mean who can predict.. ah well dun care.. i'll pull her out of the cyber cafe later.. juz now actually was going to hop onto the cable car budden we need to wait for 4 hrs b4 we can come up! argh we dun haf tt kind of time to wait loh! sighz tml going back to s'pore liao n i didnt play anything at genting... wad the.. budden once i see the queues i can juz faint... n anyway everything looks quite the same to me as escape... so nthg in particular interests me to go n try... but at least i've seen how genting has changed to... yest after dinner my parents n i went to find lao gong's cyber cafe near highlands hotel... didnt manage to find her... later when we went back to the hotel rm n i called her den found out tt she gave up waiting for me at the food court n went back to her rm after tt. ah well... but my parents n i went out of the hotel n saw clouds! haha i mean clouds flying straight at us.. it was so damn freezing cold, much colder than in taiwan... i'm so glad tt my dad insisted on us bringing the windbreaker we brought to taiwan... it's abt the same temp loh! or even worse.. lao gong said tt last time it wasnt tt cold... hmmm i miss everyone else back in s'pore.. argh i'm home sick! oh i juz got reminded tt i havent done my econs tutorial n there's econs tutorial on mon argh! oh yah n i lost the whole stack of bio stuff on cny eve... how?? i'm dead.. suddenly i dun wanna go back to s'pore anymore! i rather accompany lao gong to rot n let the clouds embrace me man! argh... ok i'll stop here n go eat melon seeds n watch lao gong play counter strike...

25/1/2004 Sun 10.38am
now we r on the way down frm genting to KL i tink... n dad's driving at more than 60km/h when the road down is so damn winding... trying my best to keep balance while writing... we actually survived an ordeal when we juz started coming down... nearly couldnt reach s'pore in time for sch.. coz the whole place was so damn cloudy, and our hotel was literally covered in the clouds... tt's so damn cool! but so damn cold oso.. i juz couldnt stand the wind, esp when stupid me was wearing a short skirt.. the windscreen of the car was vv foggy n we couldnt exactly see anything.. 5 to 10 min later the car suddenly stopped...dad exclaimed: car spoilt! n went down in the rain to check it out... worse still the car stopped at a bend. mum was so scared tt he would get knocked down by a car.. apparently, according to my dad, the weather was too cold for the petrol to b pumped up.. i dun exactly noe wad tt means but who cares... at last he knocked something n the car could work again... almighty dad juz has a way wif his car... i was juz lamenting how nice the scenery was but there was no chance to take it on the digi cam when dad stopped the car. he found a super good spot for taking photos... altho the photos didnt turn out well coz somehow it was really dark, it was still v good to b able to see the whole mountain.. dad pointed out the highest spot n said tt was our hotel.. a huge cloud was passing it! no wonder it was so freezing cold... ard 11 deg? the wind is a killer gale man... well ok anyway now we are on the expressway to i dunno ware... KL most prob... i dunno lah..
ok now i juz come back frm eating lunch... it's so damn cheap as compared to genting... oh well duh... and dad juz took a wrong turn... so we r in the wrong expressway now... argh... gotta turn back someware... somehow diz yr dad keeps taking wrong turns.. he juz missed 2 chances of going back to the right expressway.. argh... anyway guess i better stop writing..

ok tt's it i wrote for my overseas trip... :D

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, January 21, 2004
withers away @ 8:25 pm

=NOTE: Scroll down for PEISHAN's posts=

Nyahahaha the layout's up nyo (>w<)V zou-chan yappari te.n.sa.i♥

Now just hafta wait for kit to get to Genting, find Youkai (who should be rotting at the Internet Cafe) and edit the necessary stuff... fufufu. Sasuga ore-sama. Thank Inari that temporary obiang layout's gone nyo... Though it only lasted for around half an hour...

Ja, mata.

PS: Kit, delete these posts by me ^^

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 7:23 pm

Yahoz~ Boku wa zou~♥

Kit's template went to hell nyo~ so 'm helping her geddit back up again nya♥ Until then, minna, bear with this obiang layout ne -_-;; It's the best blogger.com has to offer and kit wants her latest entry to be read asap... *pointed stare... START READING NYO* Will delete this entry later nyo.

KITSUNE!!!! *waves madly* HAPPY CNY AND HAVE A GOOD TRIP... \(^o^)/
kz, xico goin to work nyo!!! Ganbarimashou!!!

mata na m(_ _)m

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 3:51 pm

oh well my blog has been stoning for a vvvv damn long time, so decided i shall write something here b4 i leave for m'sia tml... well i cant remem wad happen in the last few days k except for yest's one... no choice lah short term memory.... well yest our class had a reunion dinner at joan's hse.. i tink our class is damn on lehz... all of us went except for 3 guys... n the ogls went too! we invited the teachers too budden they had stuff on.... mr goh said he has a meeting.. no one believes him.... who has meetings at nite?!?! more like a date man... haha.... but anyway, me n a few others went there first to pack the cookies and paint the terra banner.... after we finish everything n sit on swing, we went to play cards... the heart attack thing was so.... noisy! haha... coz all of us can scream really well.... it was really fun lah.... toking crap, gossiping (our class can really gossip alot! i've gossiped more in these 20 days as compared to my whole life!) ah well.... n we were wondering ware the rest of the ppl were, coz we have been playing cards for quite some time... turn out the human sculpture guys r still waiting for the touch rug gals... well later they came n the whole house bcame more lively... they were really late coz it was jamming at the expressway n merv got the wrong st add... -____- well eventually everyone came.... n it was ard 9 when the pizza came.... my mum asked me to go back at 9 so tt i can reach home at 10+... of coz i can't go home w/o eating pizza rite.... n all the ppl juz came at ard 9 loh.... so stupid if i go back so early... budden i call home no one pick up... argh... so i decided i shall heck abt my mum for the moment n stay on... i'm glad i did:D i felt really comfortable juz sitting ard, playing games, eating, listen to merv tok crap, gossiping etc.... we were pairing our class ppl up loh... haha... we were trying hard to ask weepz to tell us which gal he likes, besides cum (i tink cum is so pitiful!), he gave alot of clues lah, budden i got a feeling he's juz faking everything out.... sighz, all of us have caught bad qualities frm merv.... he's going to kill me but who cares... budden it's true loh! well merv actually wanted to make him drunk so tt he would say the gal's name... budden weepz say tt he will juz sleep when he gets drunk so no use.... sighz.... oh yah n later SUMbody said tt yun qi was cute... haha made yun qi so embarrassed... haha... well still got quite alot more but no pt saying it here since most ppl who read my blog wun understand.... oh yah merv bought damn alot of food frm korea.... couldnt try everything coz when i left most of the stuff were not yet opened... i liked the seaweed too, tho many found it too salty... i tried to remove the salt... erm not v successful... juz kept on eating.. haha.... on the whole the atmosphere was v comfortable n at home... juz sit ard, gossip, play games, scream, listen to merv tok crap.... v nice lah... den a few of us- fiona, vic, xiu hui n i hafta go liao coz it was getting damn late... 9.45pm liao n i told my mum i would go home at 9... -___- so we ask yun qi to quick gather everyone n give them the prezzies... so weepz, our ct rep gave an impromtu speech n gave the prezzies to them... al got cookies, cum got the thing that keeps nodding its head (wad do u call tt?) n merv got a soap dishwasher wif a woman lying inside.... he wants a refund coz the woman has clothes on.... -________-||| nvm.... we laughed our heads off... well they had stuff for us too... it was a heart shaped board wif our names on it.... v nice... den after tt the four of us went back home liao loh.... coz we live quite far... clementi, choa chu kang there.... alot of my class ppl live like amk, yishun tt area loh... we share cab to jurong east mrt den me n vic took 105 home.... we tok abt a lot of stuff loh.... we concluded tt merv is not a guy we would like for a bf, but certainly one we would like as an elder bro... coz vic same as me, only child... n we both want an elder bro... we tink tt he's the kind who would go n help his sis when she's in trouble, den stand up for her when she's bullied kind of thing.... n we agreed tt our class's guys r jokers (qing yang even answered when merv called him joker...) weepz a joker.... sum sum boy is a leng3 joker... his jokes r cold until i can shiver... vic agrees wif me! haha... we tink tt some guys r potential nice bf kind haha.... budden like i told merv, i dun want one now.... vic n i tink tt our class is really one in a million... seldom do u see a class so united, so passionate and so motivated.... within 5 days we are all working together seamlessly towards the same goal... and until now, so many days are spent stoning together, going out n stuff... vic n i have nv went out so many times b4 in such a short time frame... in one yr i dun tink i even spent so many hrs wif my class as compared to these 20 days i spent wif 04S27 loh.... i tink we rock like mad! haha... i'm in luv wif the class... i mean we haf super nice classmates, super nice ogls, super nice teachers... wad else can i expect?!? we r the best og! vic n i really hope tt we dun haf to separate after 3 mths... well.... sighz... oh yah merv, thx a lot for the reply... nv tot u would bother to write one... i really appreciate the effort u took in writing it, even tho u could juz haf slept... esp when it was in the middle of the nite.... n the plane is rocking v badly... i'm really grateful, juz like u were grateful to me for raising my arm to take the seaweed for u.... hahahaha.... budden seriously... i tink it was really nice... haha.... a snag who talks crap but bothers to write a 7 pg long letter to the class, bothers to write a reply to me, bothers to comfort me when i didnt get into choir, bothers to bake brownies for us, bothers to bake it again on popular demand, scolds vulgarities coz of an injustice done (nearly) to us, being able to cut a watermelon properly (for a second i didnt believe it was u who cut it haha) and so on lah... u did so much for our class, cant remember everything.... oh yah i tasted the heart in the brownies, i'm sure everyone did... ohyah n u really brought my letter to korea huh.... wow i feel so honoured man... receiving a letter frm 100 000 feet up in the air, getting my first letter frm a guy (i juz realized tt) who touched me so much..... pity u not my type lah... i dun tink i'm urs too haha... so joan, no pt keep saying tt u can confirm..... nothing to confirm lah! haha

It's something Mystical

Thursday, January 15, 2004
withers away @ 11:42 pm

oh well.... today is a really bad day for me... coz choir auditions results r out n i'm kenna kicked out of choir. it was real bad. for the whole day, i felt really vvvvvv bad. of coz i didnt show too much of it so i guess most ppl didnt noe wad happen to me... until i told them lah... throughout the whole day i juz wanted to hide in a corner n cry... it's not tt i nv tot i would fail my auditions, it's juz tt i'm v damn lost now n i juz dunno wad to do, wad to join, how to go abt doing stuff... the first bad thing tt happened to me after i left ny was tt i didnt get into hc, but eventually nj brought joy tt i dun tink i could have gotten in hc, coz the class here is so.... yea.... now the 2nd super bad thing is not getting into choir.... i've always wanted to join a SATB choir... it sounds totally different frm a SSAA choir.... i want to sing in a choir bcoz i simply enjoy tt kind of feeling, tt kind of unity and bonding we share when we sing together.... but i'll nv get to enjoy it anymore... so tt's y i'm damn sad lohz... joan told me to juz believe in god... i tink she's right... after coming home n tinking seriously abt it while bathing i tink she's really right... god sent her to tell me diz. no matter wad happens, god is always there for me, together wif my frenz and everyone who cares for me... i tink god wants me to completely change an env, to venture into someware new, get me out of the usual clique, the usual chinese env, all the usual stuff, n explore in a new place... so far it's beneficial to moi.... so i guess there's no harm trying out other ccas after all.... well all thx to merv n joan tt i sorted all diz out.... tho i'm still down, i'm feeling much better now... well merv was trying to explain stuff to me n help me along whenever he can.... altho he's toking crap, he's toking good crap.... so... n even into the night he still ask joan to tell me to not think too much n stuff... i'm really thankful to meet diz bunch of classmates loh....(oh no i'm treating merv like a classmate!) god is really up there watching over me... n cyn, altho we only tok for 4min n 7 seconds on joan's phone, i noe wad u were trying to say tho u didnt say much, i noe u felt juz as bad as i did. it was juz abt the same as the hc-nj thingy.... thx for being there. u noe wad i'm trying to say right... yah we always do... :D but i had to wipe away my tears someware far away in a corner of the canteen so tt ppl dun see me crying... argh i hate to cry in front of others bcoz of such stuff... but wadeva the case, i'm going to b alright.... thx to all of u who r concerned abt me, whether u've shown it or not... oh yah n i better remem to pray for merv tt his plane wun crash... he's been toking abt his plane crashing the whole day loh... his flight is ard now if i'm not wrong.... he ask me if i want his photo juz in case his plane crash... wah lao eh.... u merv r going to come back safe n sound k!

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 13, 2004
withers away @ 11:41 pm

i really luv my class now loh.... no time to write abt all the stuff tt we did, but the bonds that we formed w/i these 5 to 7 days can nv b replaced by anything else in the world... wadeva friendships i've made, wadeva lame jokes we cracked, wadeva time we spent together is totally unforgettable... i juz dun haf time to write now... i'll write later k i promise... but diz is for merv: u rock k! u r juz abt one of the best ogls that one could ever have in their sch lives... i dun think i ever got along wif a senior so well last time... eh ok i think i need to stop diz or else i'll write the whole letter i'm going to write to u out... ok wadeva... i noe diz is damn crappy lah.... n a bit duh budden for updating sake so.... yah....

It's something Mystical

Monday, January 05, 2004
withers away @ 11:05 pm

well today is a really fun day which made me sorta luv nj more... haha... ok i get attached to stuff real easily so there.... dun haf time to write abt wad happen in the day, but we really had great fun, mass dancing (ok we got on to the hands holding part), dancing the "as we walk to the left" thingy, cheering, screaming, being mad and stuff... i finally can bcome mad again! haha... we got really dirty today.... so... nvm... it was real fun too.. met spaz n lame ppl in my class who were funluving too lah.... my ogls were really nice too.... super siao one is mervyn, who is in the council (cant imagine tt), who's really good lah.... together wif cumarran and alene... sparta rules! btw, sparta is my clan name... eh we haf 6 clans here.... for orientation lah... athens(purple), corinth(blue), delphi(yellow), sparta(orange)!!, lemnos(red), eleusis(green)... eh ok.... got my orientation package today n met my ct (civics tutor aka form teacher.. u all shld noe by now) tml i haf war games!!! tt's gonna b fun i guess... basically coz i haf a fun class lah! we cheer so damn loud k! tho we only haf 6 guys (so pathetic!!) mervyn said tt ppl who choose our combi r mostly gals... dunno why.... i suppose tt explains why most engineers r guys? eh ok.... i read thru the orientation booklet n found diz song.. nice lah we all heard it b4... but juz didnt noe the lyrics properly... no time now... 11+ liao...
If We Hold On Together
Don't lose your way with each passing day
You've come so far, don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by for you and I

Souls in the winds must learn how to mend
Seek out a star, hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us coome home to stay

*chorus again*

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
We'll feel the light
Warm our hearts everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by for you and I

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 02, 2004
withers away @ 10:46 pm

hey ppl it's the first day of sch!! n it was really quite fun! coz i had a pri sch class reunion thingy... saw so many peeps man! of coz not even half the class, but i actually talked to them haha... ok diz sounds weird oh wadeva.... lemme give u all an outline of wad happened, as promised.
i went to hc first lah at 7... coz i meeting cyn at hc busstop... i was late coz there sorta was a jam... n the bus came late too so yah lah... so we met, den met hito so we sat at the canteen n tok... den cyn gave me daryl's prezzie n ask me to pass it to him, give me his hp no etc... den at ard 7.30 i went off to nj... there was a jam n so i decided to walk, but after walking for one bus stop i got sick of it n took a bus... v stupid hor? ok nvm i'm stupid k... so i went into nj den the j2s told me to go to the hall n like i noe ware is it.... so nvm... den i saw the grandstand got one grp of yellow ppl... haha ppl wearing yellow uniform lah... of coz i could recognize it it's my pri sch colour! haha they were frm the sec sch of coz.... so i met up wif my pri sch frenz, n oso got a guy dunno if i saw the wrong person.... but i tink shld b correct lah... how can i forget him? keep making lame jokes n irritating me haha... no lah not tt bad... well ok... so in the end i went up to the hall wif them n waited for nj's morning assembly downstairs to end... we were like waiting for the principal to finish toking n for them to finish singing anthem n so on... so we waited n waited n waited... den finally the band at the back started playing... n the teachers came in lined up... n all the guys had the nj dark blue tie! haha... looks so funny.... ok shldnt say bad things abt the sch... eh my sch.... ok cont.... so the p tokked.. the vp tokked... the indv hods intro their dept... every single teacher's name.... so tt took quite some time.... ok nvm... den got subj combi tok... which lasted for eons.... n i got so damn hungry!!!! ok wadeva.... coz there were so many qns... eh den wad did we do huh??? cant actually remem lah... we went for sch tour... den lunch... den more toks... boring ones... like how to drive into the sch... sch rules... n guess wad? the sch rules say tt only black/white based canvas shoes allowed... eh juz how many ppl r wearing canvas shoes in nj? all i see r track shoes! so i'm not going to care... so going to escape frm the teacher's eyes when i dun even recognize her?!?! ok nvm... lets not tok abt diz boring stuff.... after tt we had mass dance!!!! tt was quite fun but troublesome too... coz it was couple dance lah duh... how could guys n gals dance on their own? so we needed to find a partner... so the guys formed a line, gals formed a line n there u haf ur partner... my partner was quite ok i tot... but... ok nvm cont first... there were 3 songs in the mass dance... 3 choruses frm 3 songs rather.... we didnt get to the holding hands n twirl part lah k... had no time... so it was quite on our own lah... budden... coz we were the last ppl in the rows, n ppl tended to move backwards all the time so we were squashed in no time... i couldnt turn, couldnt stick out my hands or else i hit everyone else... so one of the ogls (orientation grp leader) asked the gals at the back incl me to bring our partners along n follow him to go to the front. so i told my partner to follow me lah. i walk until the front n realized tt he nv follow -_______- so i walked all the way back n ask him to follow me... i tink i looked like a fool coz all the ri guys were staring at me... argh... nvm.... dun wanna tok abt it anymore... but i couldnt remem the steps for the dance lehz.... i tink i'll die.... X_X oh nvm.... den they taught us their cheers... i tot they were nice lah... eh... but i dun love the sch yet so... ok... den they taught us the college anthem too... which is in malay... coz we r the nation's college, so we use the national lang... ok... n the sch's colour is red... eh coz of s'pore u noe... like flag... universal brotherhood n stuff... i tink... coz tt's y the badge is red n white... all the flag business comes in... besides the college anthem they haf another song in eng called the national dream... tt was easier to sing n remem... they sing the two songs alternatingly everyday... as in one day sing diz one day sing tt.... so lidat loh... n the whole world were shooting us.. i mean on tv... coz of the ip prog tt nj offers... anyone watched the news? n the whole time i was looking out for daryl... but couldnt see him... but at times i saw him, at least who i tot was him, i couldnt catch him.... n after the whole thing, i called him on both nos they were bz... well... n juz now cyn told me tt no one called him! at least tt's wad the hp said... ok wadeva... nvm... i'll juz pass it to him on mon loh... well i tink i sorta finish everything.... will add on if i tink of more haha... oh yah we going sentosa on fri *MY BDAE!* to play the amazing race! yoohooooo tt's cool! ok well i'll end now diz is real long

It's something Mystical

Thursday, January 01, 2004
withers away @ 4:18 pm

so damn idiotic... i type my post halfway den suddenly the window say got some error n i had to close it argh... so i need to retype everything again... well... it's new yrs day... n el's letter is still lying on the table waiting for someone to post it... i tink i'll post it tml... i too lazy today to go... i lazy to buy my own lunch oso so... nvm... haha let's tok abt something else.... sch's reopening tml!!! n i heard tt some schs r calling up their students... eh if nj calls no one will ans... haha... who cares man.... anyway, i haf new shoes!! actually they arent sports shoes.. i juz gotta pray tt they dun hurt.... eh it's nearly all blue... except for 2 strips of brown... v funny colour combi hor? well anywayz, i got new shoes! yoohoo but no hp:'( but i tink dad is looking for the best deal haha... he always does... tt's y he takes yrs to buy something... coz he will look for the cheapest but best one in s'pore.... lucky we live in s'pore which is not tt big man... if not i haf to wait for yrs b4 i get my hp! well anyway gtg... good luck for this yr ppl!:)

It's something Mystical